The Closet Collection Lady Jadore is no longer available at any of my affiliate retailers. Maybe this is a blessing because, I don’t recommend anyone buying it.

I just don’t know. I really don’t. It’s just wrong… so, wrong. The Closet Collection Lady Jadore is an utter and complete failure on every level¹. Part of me wonders if it was actually designed for human genitalia. Perhaps if extraterrestrial beings came to Earth, hell-bent on destroying us, we could give them a bunch of these. It would either fit their genitalia perfectly and they would be too grateful to destroy us or, they’d be so perplexed that they’d forget that they wanted to. Actually, I’d like to put this thing in a time capsule so that say, 50 maybe 100 years from now, someone could dig it up and wonder what the fuck it’s for. ‘Cause it sure as hell ain’t built for masturbating.

See, the smaller end on this vibrator can rotate around 360 degrees (which I thought was sort of cool) but try as I might, I couldn’t find a single way to use it that came close to feeling even kind of good. Yet, the folks at Closet Collection were so sure they had this amazing multitasking sex toy that they included diagrams of the various ways it could be used. Behold (and try not to laugh)…

Click to enbiggen.

Yeah uhm, I don’t think any of those are gonna work.

First I tried it in the way that I think most vulva owners would – as sort of a rabbit vibe. It didn’t feel good at all when I tried to push it into my vagina. I think it might have been the totally useless sculpting on the head. Ever the optimist, I just pushed harder and it finally popped in rather abruptly. I pushed it in farther, trying to get the small end to reach my clit and was met with more discomfort. Apparently, it was bottoming out and the small end was still too far away from my clit. OK, I thought- I just need to relax and get aroused more and let the ol’ vagina expand… ya know, like they do. So I gently thrust while trying to think sexy thoughts. Eventually, I could push it in deep enough that the small end rested on my clit. And after all of that work, it was a total let down.

The vibrator in the small end is very weak and buzzy. Plus there are these little bumps on its surface that my clit didn’t care for (think cat tongue). I tried to make the most of it, I really did. But there was just no pleasure to be had and no hope of ever getting off with this thing. To make matters worse, there is absolutely no good place or way to hold onto it. Trying to put everything where you want it and move it around in some kind of pleasurable way just creates a huge slippery lube covered mess. I guess that’s why handles are so useful.

I already wanted to light this thing on fire and write a nasty letter to Closet Collection, shaming them for having created such an abomination and be done with it. But I knew my testing wasn’t over. I knew my dear readers would want to know if it worked in the ass. And so, even though I’ve not been in much of a mood for sticking things in my ass lately… I tried. I did it all for you, just so I could be certain that this thing is a failure on all fronts.

First I tried it with the shaft oriented to hit the G-spot and the small end twisted around in the direction of my ass. I had the same problem as before. No matter how deep I pushed the shaft into my vagina, the small end was still too far away to reach my ass. So, I twisted the shaft down to the 6:00 position (opposite the G-spot) and the small end could now reach my ass. OK, now what? I got a shaft in my vag that doesn’t feel particularly great and I got this little buzzy thing tickling my anus. Is this pleasure? Would someone actually like this? I’m not judging anyone who would, I’m just saying – I don’t get it. Then I thought, well maybe the small end has to actually go in my ass for it to feel really good. But it wouldn’t go in. It was kind of like trying to push a slippery limp penis into my ass². It just wasn’t happening.

So, I think I gave the Lady Jadore a fair shot. I gave it every chance I could to not totally suck but it did anyway. I supposed I could have fumbled around with it more and tried some other configurations but really… why? The only way this thing gave me any kind of pleasurable feelings is when I used the head of the vibrating shaft on my clit… and I have much better toys for doing that.

After reading all that, I’m not sure who would still be interested in the details but I’ll give you a quick run down. The Lady Jadore is about 6” from the tip of the shaft to the swivel point and in theory, all of that is insertable. The thickest part of the shaft is 1.67” in diameter. The small end rises about 3” above the swivel point and it’s about 1” in diameter. It comes in 3 colors – pink, purple (of course) and turquoise.

It’s made of silicone and it actually feels nice with hardly any drag at all. It’s waterproof. It’s rechargeable. It has dual motors that are independently controlled through two buttons. There are three levels of steady vibration and 7 patterns. While the small end is annoyingly buzzy, the shaft is actually a little on the rumbly side. It comes with a storage pouch and it has a one year warranty³. Too bad the warranty doesn’t cover the fact that it sucks.

I rarely just flat out say that a toy is totally useless. I usually try to think of the type of person who would enjoy a toy even if I didn’t. I can’t even do that here. I honestly don’t want anyone to waste their money on the Closet Collection Lady Jadore. You might find it intriguing because it looks different from everything else and that’s why I wanted to try it. But trust me, you don’t want it. You just don’t.

The Closet Collection Lady Jadore was provided by a retailer I am no longer affiliated with, in exchange for an unbiased review.

The post Review: Closet Collection Lady Jadore appeared first on Toy Meets Girl. © 2018 Toy Meets Girl All rights reserved. No part of this feed may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior permission from the website owner.

I know, I know… I sound like a broken record but I love the Je Joue Uma. When I got the Uma, all I could think about was having two of them so I could use them both for dual stimulation. But since I’d already reviewed the Uma, I figured I should try something new so, the next logical step seemed to be getting the MiMi. I was hoping the MiMi’s vibrations would feel the same as Uma’s and I could use it on my clit while I used the Uma internally. Unfortunately, the MiMi didn’t quite live up to my expectations. It’s a great clit vibe but it’s no substitute for the Uma.

The MiMi’s vibrations do feel a lot like the Uma’s, only they’re not quite as intense and they’re focused differently. Plus, I don’t think the shape is the best for me. I can have orgasms with it but it’s not as easy as with other vibes. I actually had to change my style a little to get the MiMi to work for me. Ordinarily, I prefer to lightly stroke my clit with a vibrator. I’m not normally one to go for a lot of pressure. However, this is exactly what I have to do with the MiMi. At first, I thought that using the thin edge of it to lightly stroke my clit would be the way to go. But the vibration isn’t concentrated as strongly on the edges. The vibration is strongest on the broad flat surface so, if you like that sort of stimulation then the MiMi would be great and it does work well when applying pressure.

So, even though I have to masturbate with it differently than I normally do, it does get the job done and I do think it is a good vibrator for those who like broad stimulation and pressure. It just wasn’t as Uma-like as I’d hoped it would be. The vibration is very deep and rumbly and they don’t dampen a lot under pressure. And this is the perfect combination for a lot of people, it’s just not exactly what I was hoping for with the MiMi. I wouldn’t say I’m totally disappointed with the MiMi, I was just looking for a very specific kind of stimulation. But all is not lost, I was actually able to achieve the dual stimulation I was looking for with the combination of the Uma and the G-Kii. So far, all of the Je Joue products I’ve tried are high quality vibrators with a rumbly kind of vibration that I haven’t felt from other vibrators. It’s that unique rumble that made me fall in love with the brand – and I am quite fond of their uncommonly silky soft silicone as well.

The MiMi fits nicely in the hand. You are going to feel the vibration in your hand but it wasn’t something that bothered me. There is absolutely no squish to the MiMi, it has a silicone skin over hard plastic. Je Joue has recently released the MiMi Soft and the tip on that one is squishy.

The controls and functions are pretty much the same as the Uma. You have three buttons. Press and hold the (+) button to turn it on and repeatedly press it to step through 5 levels of intensity. Repeatedly press the (-) button to step the intensity back down. Press and hold to turn it off. The middle button steps through 6 patterns of pulsating vibration. You can control the intensity of the patterns with the (+) and (-) buttons.

Like the other Je Joue vibrators, the MiMi charges through a magnetic connection to the buttons, which are also the charging contacts. It takes 2 hours to fully charge and that is supposed to yield 2 hours of run time. A small red light flashes while it’s charging and stays on when complete.

Je Joue’s silicone is some of my favorite of any brand. It’s so soft and silky.  It attracts a small amount of lint, as evidenced in my photos (as well as the water spots). The entire vibrator is body-safe and phthalates free. It’s waterproof, which makes it easy to clean with soap and water or you could use a toy cleaner. You can sanitize it with a 10% bleach solution and rinse well with water. I always say it’s the safest bet to use water-based lube with silicone toys because some silicone-based lube can damage the finish of some silicone toys. However, it’s not always the case and I have even successfully mixed the two. If you want to experiment with a silicone-based or hybrid lube, make sure to spot test first.

The MiMi is 3.25 inches long and about 2 inches across at the widest point. It comes in four colors – lilac, purple, black and fuchsia. Mine came in a nice box but with no storage pouch which is really inexcusable for a luxury brand. The new ones come with a blind fold, which is just silly. Hey, Je Joue… Storage. Pouch. The MiMi is covered by a one year warranty.

So, the MiMi wasn’t the clit vibe of my dreams. To be fair, I was hoping for it to be something other than what it is – an Uma in a smaller package. That doesn’t mean it deserves a negative rating. Not at all. If I judge it objectively, it really is a great little clit vibe that’s probably best suited for those who like broad stimulation and pressure. The vibrations are nice and rumbly, though could be stronger for my taste. It’s nice compact size makes it great for use during sex too. If those are the kinds of things that you look for in a clit vibe then I think the Je Joue MiMi is a solid choice and I feel totally comfortable recommending it.

The JeJoue MiMi was provided by a retailer I am no longer affiliated with, in exchange for an unbiased review.

The post Review: Je Joue MiMi appeared first on Toy Meets Girl. © 2018 Toy Meets Girl All rights reserved. No part of this feed may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior permission from the website owner.

The Closet Collection Roberta Pleaser is no longer available at any of my affiliated companies. This probably isn’t a huge tragedy since I didn’t think it was that great anyway.

The Closet Collection Toys Roberta Pleaser is a vibrator that can be used for G spot or clitoral stimulation. It works best for me as a clitoral vibrator but I was able to hit my G spot with it as well. It’s made of silicone and plastic, has 3 levels of steady vibration and 7 patterns and is powered by two AAA batteries. There is one color, Barbie pink with silver colored plastic. Two buttons control the Roberta. One for power, which illuminates and the other cycles through the modes. A satiny storage pouch is included and Closet Collection Toys provide a one year warranty.

I guess you could say that I’m lukewarm on the Roberta. I don’t love it and I don’t hate it. I just can’t get excited about it. However, it can give me clitoral orgasms. For G spot stimulation is was just OK. I didn’t like it for thrusting but it did hit my G spot with the rocking motion that I’ve found works best for me. It comes to a rounded point that curves upward and it pokes at the G spot. For me, this isn’t as bad as it sounds but if you don’t like your G spot being poked at then this vibrator wouldn’t be for you. I was actually surprised by how rumbly the vibrations are. I expected the Roberta to be buzzy but it really isn’t. I could always ask for more power but for two AAA batteries, it’s not bad. I could easily reach orgasm using the steady vibration on my clit but I’m not thrilled with the patterns. Those can be hit or miss for me anyway. The patterns on the Roberta are just weird. It’s like the rhythm or the tempo is off and I just couldn’t get into them.

This vibrator is kind of loud. I think it’s the cover of the battery compartment that’s rattling. Closet Collection claims that it is waterproof but I don’t think I’d feel comfortable submerging it. There is no seal around the battery compartment itself and when I washed it, moisture did get in there but there is a gasket that sits against the batteries when the cap is on. I would just prefer it if water didn’t get in there at all. The silicone has a matte finish with very little drag and there is a noticeable seam that runs all the way around the vibrator. Since this vibrator is made of silicone and plastic, it can be sanitized in a 10% bleach solution. Routine cleaning can be done with antibacterial soap and water or toy cleaner. Silicone is nonporous, latex and phthalates free and is hypoallergenic. It’s probably best to stick with water based lube. This vibe measures 6 ¾ inches long with 3 ¾ inches insertable and it is 1 ½ inches in diameter

This vibrator isn’t terrible but for the price point, I would expect better quality. The plastic battery compartment cap feels cheap and the rattling noise is distracting. The vibrations feel pretty good and I can have orgasms with it but that’s not enough to make me love it. I can’t really give this vibrator a great recommendation and I think better vibrators can be found in this price range.

The Closet Collection Roberta Pleaser was provided by a company I am no longer affiliated with, in exchange for an unbiased review.

The post Review: Closet Collection Toys Roberta Pleaser appeared first on Toy Meets Girl. © 2018 Toy Meets Girl All rights reserved. No part of this feed may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior permission from the website owner.