Review: Loveo Ione

Want the tl;dr? I’m not really excited about the Loveo Ione. That’s probably putting it too mildly. It doesn’t make me seethe with anger. There’s just not much I like about it. Not much at all. You now have permission to go back to whatever you were doing but if you’d like to know why this vibe bores me, keep reading.

What is it about the Loveo Ione that I find so uninspired? Only the most important thing about a vibrator – the vibrations. They actually remind me of much lower priced Pipedream and Cal Ex vibes I’ve tried. I swear the patterns[1. Of which there are seven.] are the same. You’ve got the typical three steady speeds that start at nearly imperceptible to buzzier than any vibe should be at this price. In fact, I really don’t put this vibe in the same league as luxury vibes that cost around a hundred bucks. It feels far too cheap for that.

It does have one feature that tries desperately to set it apart from other lackluster vibes. There is a touch sense mode which is kind of cool, I guess. But it isn’t how I’d prefer to use it and it doesn’t save this vibe from being anything but mediocre.

In the touch sense mode, the vibe runs at about 30%[2. According to the instructions.] power and when you touch the head of the vibe to your skin, it ramps up to full power. That’s it. That’s all it really does. It reminds me of the Svakom Lisa, which has a similar feature that I didn’t have much use for either.

This thing looks like a wand massager but it’s far smaller than you’d expect a wand to be. That’s not necessarily a negative thing. Just don’t expect a Magic Wand sized massager. The head is about 1.5” in diameter and the total length is about 8”. Since this vibe did absolutely nothing for my clit, I thought that using it internally for some G-spot stimulation might spare it from being a complete disappointment. I mean, it looks like it has the right shape for G-spot stim and since the head is rather small, it could be used internally. Except, you really wouldn’t want to. It didn’t do much of anything for my G-spot; not the shape, not the vibes, nothing. Just thinking about how little this vibe pleasured me elicits a sigh of frustration.

Now let’s take a moment to discuss the instructions and how the actual buttons don’t operate like they say they do. Well, that’s pretty much it really. The instructions are just wrong. Not a mistake I’d expect from a luxury vibe. The instructions tell you to press and hold the (+) button to turn it on. Nope. You press and hold the middle button. They tell you to press and hold the (-) to turn it off. Nope. You press and hold the middle button. They tell you to press and hold the middle button for 3 seconds to enter the automatic touch control mode. Nope. That turns it off, remember? The only way I could find of putting it in the touch mode was by pressing and holding the middle button to turn it on. Then pressing and holding the (+) for a couple of seconds.

Another odd thing about the instructions is the fact that they specify that this vibe is “for women”. Not sure I quite get that but OK. They also say that the charger connects magnetically. Uhm, nope again. It plugs into a port. I actually wonder if they printed the instructions for a different vibe. They do give you one useful suggestion: “If you find using the vibrator unpleasant, turn the product off and stop using it.” OK, will do. You don’t have to tell me twice.

Another thing I don’t like (as if I needed more reasons) about the Loveo Ione is the cheap looking silver plastic. It’s just so unnecessary and creates a seam where gunk can live. They could have just covered the entire vibe in silicone. It would have looked better and been more practical.

Do I like anything about this vibe? Well, the silicone is nice. It’s soft and silky. And it comes with a decent storage pouch that I’ll probably use for something else. It’s USB rechargeable and comes with an outlet adapter, which I’ll also probably use for other things. I didn’t find any mention of it on the packaging or in the instructions but the product description on the website says it’s waterproof. So, that’s good if it’s true. It comes in a sturdy box that gives the impression that you’re getting a high-end luxury vibe but as I said, I don’t feel like this vibe belongs in the same price range as luxury vibes.

I can’t really recommend the Loveo Ione. I just didn’t much like it. I have other vibes in the same price range that are infinitely more enjoyable. I’d say if they cut the price in half then it might match what you’re actually getting. If you like buzzy vibrations, don’t mind cleaning gunk out of seams, think the touch control mode would be the coolest thing ever and don’t mind spending more than you should then you might just like this vibe. Otherwise, I suggest passing on this one.

Pleasure’s Peak provided the Loveo Ione in exchange for an unbiased review.