Excerpt: The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys

The Adventurous Couple’s Guide to Sex Toys
By Violet Blue

If we approached the world of sex toys as a scientist might, classifying toys by purpose, species, and effectiveness, we might go a very long time until our next orgasm. Sure, in its broadest definition, anything can be a sex toy—because any object, image, or thing used for erotic stimulation could legitimately be called a sex toy. But an object’s erotic potential lies in the eye of the beholder. Toys and novelties made for the express purpose of sexual gratification are a wild and woolly category of creatures, ranging from the practical and reliable to the outrageous, silly, sometimes dangerous, and occasionally deliciously decadent.

While sex toys have been around for centuries, appreciating the modern selection of toys you can find online and in your local sex shops requires only a minimal understanding of recent developments in sex toy evolution.

Plainly put, there are novelties…and then there are toys made for sex. Confused? Most sex toys that you’ll find in garden-variety retail sex toy stores are created, marketed, and sold “for novelty use only,” meaning that while the toy companies explicitly know that people are using their toys for sex, they sell them categorizedas novelties. Why they do this is anyone’s guess; perhapsit’s so they can avoid responsibility for faulty merchandise, asmany sex toys are made poorly (almost all novelty sex toys aremade cheaply in Chinese factories), or perhaps it’s so they canmake outrageous claims on the packaging and marketing materials;in some U.S. states where sex toys are against the law tosell, distribute, or own, this may also be a way to circumventlegalities about products intended for sexual gratification.

Novelty sex toys are the most widely available, as they have a virtual stranglehold on American distribution, and they are the least expensive. In practical terms, this is not such a bad thing. You’ll find the widest selection and best prices in the novelty toy market, making these toys a great way to try new things without breaking the bank; to get a certain size, shape, or functionality you desire; or to find that exact shade of pink you prefer. Novelties often feature the latest innovations in design and use—but also tend to break easily. Some are made with noxious materials, and some are shipped already defective but with user-unfriendly return policies. Technically speaking, novelties aren’t made for sex, though they can conjure up an orgasm pretty well. Identifying these toys in stores is easy, as they have the most polished or garish (and sometimes offensive) packaging, the phrase “for novelty use” is printed somewhere on the package, and they typically come from companies such as Doc Johnson, Vibratex, Pipedream, or Adam and Eve. In any case, it’s always “buyer beware” when you purchase a sex toy, and nowhere else is it more essential for you as consumer to be prepared with knowledge about the products, even before plunking down a few bucks on a plastic discount vibrator.

Not all sex toys are sold as novelties. Toys marketed as sex toys come from independent manufacturers and are created with the consumer’s pleasure as their express purpose. A growing number of high-quality sex toy companies do business in the United States and in the U.K., and many seem to prize sexual health and pleasure as the key building blocks of both their businesses and their products. Many of these companies are women-owned, though many have not yet broken into the “old boys’ network” of distribution to novelty stores. You can find products— or rather, “pleasure instruments”—from Tantus, Vixen Creations, Fun Factory, and Sportsheets mostly online and in “women-friendly” stores and sex toy boutiques that hand-pick their product selections. These companies have raised the bar on what people expect when they plunk down their hard-earned cash for something nice to shove up their asses.

So there are novelties, and there are sex toys, or “pleasure instruments,” and you can expect to find many of both types displayed side-by-side at reputable retailers. Sometimes you’ll even see novelty toy manufacturers making products that are similar to sex toys; the decision to buy a novelty (or not) is simply a question of quality, price, and convenience. Know what you’re looking for, and what you’ll likely encounter online and in stores, and you’ll be a smart customer—and, in the end, a satisfied one.

Batteries and Vibrators

Battery-powered vibes typically run on AA, AAA, C, or watch batteries. For stronger vibrations, pop in fresh batteries; already-used ones provide a lighter buzz. Always wash your hands after handling batteries. To prolong the life of vibrator and batteries, remove the batteries when not in use. Double that precaution before an airplane trip; no one wants an accidentally turned-on vibe buzzing in their suitcase when navigating the airport security lines.

Keep It Clean

Once a toy, finger, or penis has touched an anus (whether your own or someone else’s), don’t let it come in contact with your vulva or vagina—no matter what you’ve seen in porn. The anus is host to bacteria that cause vaginal infections, no matter how recent the shower. Don’t let tonight’s love fest turn into tomorrow’s infection; use a condom or glove to create a clean surface when moving from anus to vagina (though vagina to anus is fine). And you’d better bet that those porn stars get infections just like the rest of us.