But I think I’m getting them back. See updates below.
I’m gonna warn ya now, this post is all about my personal shit.
Thinking about the kinds of things I’d like to talk about here, I want to keep it mainly revolving around sexual issues. I don’t want to muddy it up with a bunch of unrelated junk which, while interesting to me, doesn’t belong on a sex blog. So, as I consider what I might share here that is of a sexual nature and is personal to me (because I feel like the best blogging comes from writing about what you know), one thing that keeps popping up in my mind is: anorgasmia. I’ve mentioned it briefly on my About Me page. When I started this blog, I felt it important to not harp on the subject but now, I think it might be something good to talk about. And it’s certainly an important thing about me to keep in mind when you’re reading my reviews. I’m not easily orgasmic like I used to be so, if a toy works for me then it might mean it could work for other women out there who suffer from anorgasmia.
I wasn’t born anorgasmic, oh no, not by a long shot. I figured out how to masturbate fairly early and from then on, having orgasms was so easy for me and was something that I just took for granted. Sure, I knew that there are women (and men) who can’t have orgasms for various reasons but I just accepted it as a material fact that it was not, and never would be a problem for me.
I enjoyed routine orgasms into my teens until something in my life changed. I started taking psychotropic medications. Specifically, the class of medication that changed my sexual functioning was Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors or SSRIs. In this class, you have drugs like Prozac, Zoloft and others. It was Prozac that first took away my orgasms. It was a lot harder to do research back then. Yes, it was before the internet that we know and love today. Insert “I remember when” story here. So, the only way I found out about this side effect was when I eventually worked up the nerve to ask the shrink if the meds had anything to do with my inability to orgasm. As was usual practice back then (and still is today) if you expressed that sexual dysfunction was a deal breaker for you then doctors would try switching you to a different SSRI. That’s how I ended up on Paxil… and had the same exact damn problem. Switching meds sometimes works for some people but as I would learn later on, it wouldn’t do a thing to help me.
I stayed on meds for a little while back then despite the anorgasmia but a curious thing happens. The meds start working and you feel so much better and even if sexual functioning didn’t matter before (because you were so damn depressed) it surely does matter now and dammit, you want to have orgasms again. I mean, you’re happy right? You’re in a place where you want to experience all the good things life has to offer and that includes a rich and fulfilling sex life. So, what do a lot of people do? They figure they’ve “gotten over” the depression and that they can handle life un-medicated. They go off the meds and some do fine. Not everyone requires life long treatment. But as in my case, it doesn’t take long for the train to come off the tracks. You’re right back where you started. You know what has to be done… that getting sanity back means going back on the medication. Only this time, you know going into it what will happen. Kiss your orgasms goodbye, again. What a terrible choice to have to make, your sanity or your sexual functioning.
Fast forward to my late 20s. I had moved 600 miles away from home. I became a small town girl in a big city. Didn’t much like living there but I had an awesome job so I dealt with it. I tried to hold it together… did alright for awhile. Then the wheels start coming off. It gets so bad, I find a shrink and go back on medication.
This time, it was Effexor. Effexor is similar to an SSRI but is classified as an SNRI or Serotonin Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitor. It still does the same thing as an SSRI but it tweaks another neurotransmitter as well. And I tell you, that med pulled me kicking and screaming out of the deep dark pit I was in. It was like this gray veil that blanketed my entire life had been lifted. I felt lighter, colors seemed more vivid, I took interest in many creative endeavors. Hell, I even joined a gym and got into the best shape of my life. I’m not trying to write a glowing endorsement for Effexor but there’s a reason why, after falling off the wagon yet again (and a long painful trip on the med-go-round) I found myself in yet another shrink’s office, requesting it… no, more like begging for it.
Prior to my second hiatus from meds, I had done trials of ALL other SSRIs, SNRIs and creative combos of those plus other psychotropics thrown in for good measure. None of it gave me the same response as Effexor and all of it caused anorgasmia. For when it comes to me, monkeying with my serotonin ALWAYS causes anorgasmia. It’s now, in my late 30s that I know that. I’m currently on an interesting cocktail of psychotropics. It’s kind of like The Crazy has evolved and become more complicated over the years. But I’m sure that none of the other meds are causing the anorgasmia. I know who the culprit is. I have a love/hate relationship with my Effexor. It keeps me amongst the living yet, it takes away one of those precious things that comes from living as a sexual being.
And I’ve just lived like this for many years now; accepting that easy orgasms are a thing of the past. I should clarify that the problem I have probably couldn’t be classified as true anorgasmia because that is defined as the total absence of orgasm. Like, you can’t get off at all, no matter what. If there is some silver lining for me to find here, it’s that I can reach orgasm… sometimes. I guess it would be more accurately described as delayed orgasm, maybe. Only that it’s so delayed at times, that getting there is just impossible. It can often require more stimulation than I can really expect from a human being.
And that’s where I am now; discovering that with the help of sex toys (clit vibes primarily at this point) to provide that super-human stimulation that I need, I can almost reliably have orgasms. What an exciting thing! There’s actually something out there that can help. And when you’ve all but given up and just accepted your anorgasmic lot in life then stumble onto something that shatters that notion of what you thought your life would be, you get incredibly excited about it. You want to shout from rooftops…tell the world, god and everybody the good news.
There you have it, my life story of The Crazy and the meds that go with it. I’m enjoying the addition of sex toys to my sex life and I am telling the world about it. I specifically want to tell the women out there who suffer antidepressant induced anorgasmia that there are things you can try that might help. Everyone’s body is different and just because clit vibes help me have orgasms, it doesn’t automatically mean they will work for you. But if you haven’t tried one yet, what’s the harm? It’s nothing at all to be embarrassed about and with internet ordering and discreet shipping and billing you don’t have to worry about your friends and family finding out.
In conjuction with the sex toys, I am also currently doing a trial of medication (Buspar), added to my cocktail, in an effort to reverse the anorgasmia. When I approached my doctor about it all, her first suggestion was Viagra. I wasn’t surprised since like most things, I neurotically researched my options beforehand so, I said “what the hell”. The Viagra really didn’t help me but apparently it can for some women. All I got out of it was being about $250 (for 10 pills and insurance told me to fuck off) poorer, a bright red flushed face with a nose like a red neon bulb, that would get all stuffy whenever I took it. Sexy, right? I guess it’s just as well that it didn’t work for me. I couldn’t afford it anyway. Could you imagine having to figure orgasms into your budget?
When I saw her this last time, I requested Buspar because I had read in a few places on the internet that it worked for some women (and men). She was happy to oblige. I swear, she’s such a pill pusher but hey, I asked for it. Since it wouldn’t have any negative interaction with my other meds (according to her) she figured it wouldn’t hurt to try. So, I’ve been taking it for just about a week now and during this time I had one experience where it was uncharacteristically easy to get off with a clit vibe and big fucking drum roll…. for the first time in a long time, I had an orgasm from cunnilingus. And I mean, wow! To me, having an orgasm from oral sex and having one with a vibe feel very different and this one knocked my socks off. It’s far too early to come to anything conclusive but I’m trying to have a little hope. The nice thing is that so far, I’ve not noticed any negative side effects from the Buspar. There is a generic available and since it’s just another head med, my stupid insurance covers it. Bastards would probably cut me off if they knew it was being prescribed off label. That means a doctor prescribes a med to treat a condition that it’s not FDA approved for. Doctors have the right to do that and do it all the time. Buspar is approved for the treatment of anxiety but obviously not for the treatment of antidepressant induce anorgasmia. But what the hell, so far I think it’s actually enhancing the effects of my current cocktail (which it’s been known to do)… or maybe I’m just all giddy over being able to cum.
Update
Since I wrote this I have had yet, another fantastic orgasm from oral sex. And I didn’t even have to keep him down there very long. This is exciting and promising. Even the intercourse felt more intense. It’s like I’m getting the feeling back in my genitals. I am so hoping this isn’t a fluke. The Buspar might be doing something.
Another Update
More orgasmic success! Last night I had the most amazing orgasm using the Salsa. It wasn’t like my “normal” orgasms. I guess you could call it a multiple orgasm except, it never really stopped. I know there’s a name for this but it escapes me. It was like BAM…big orgasm, then….weaker but continuous orgasm until….explosive, huge, wake the neighbors orgasm. I squirted on the second one. I just laid there for a bit in disbelief. I’m really inclined to give credit to the Buspar at this point. The evidence is pointing in that direction. If this keeps up, I won’t be able to call myself an orgasmically challenged sex toy reviewer anymore. Damn, that was gonna by my niche too.
OK, One More Update
I’ve seen felt enough. I’m calling it. The clit has been resurrected! The Buspar must be working. And incredibly, even the intercourse feels more intense. He feels harder inside me. I am so thankful for this.
Yes, I’m updating again
I just wanted to include this information in case there are people who need it. I am taking 15mg of buspirone (Buspar) daily. My doctor has prescribed two tablets which would make 30mg total daily. I decided to start off with half to see how it went. I really do believe it’s reversing the anorgasmia and I like that I still have room to go up in dose.
The following is the information that I took to my doctor to request the Buspar:
“Buspirone is a serotonin-IA partial agonist typically prescribed to treat persistent anxiety. One case series reported that buspirone reversed both decreased sexual interest and orgasmic dysfunction caused by SSRIs.Most patients using buspirone to treat sexual dysfunction take it daily. The dosage is the same as that used for anxiety (15mg to 60mg daily). The mechanism of action of buspirone in treating sexual dysfunction may be reduction of serotonergic tone via stimulation of presynaptic autoreceptors or the alpha-2 antagonist effects of one of buspirone’s major metabolites, 1-pyrimidinylpiperazine.”
I sourced it here.