Review: LELO LUNA Smart Bead

LELO isn’t a company that I promote anymore. I encourage you to read this before purchasing their products.

I am totally bewildered by the LELO LUNA Smart Bead. It’s like, I don’t want to believe that LELO released something this lame. But I have to believe it because there’s been a slew of what-the-fuck products from LELO lately. Most notably, the Ida and Ora – the Ora having been so bad that they immediately released the Ora 2, which apparently still sucks. I’ve tried neither of those toys but I’ve read enough reviews to know they’re a train wreck and it’s looking like the LUNA Smart Bead is another disaster.

The LUNA Smart Bead is supposed to be a pelvic floor muscle exerciser. It’s supposed to somehow sense how strong your muscles are and it’s supposed to progress you through 5 levels depending on your performance. You’re also supposed to be able to feel the vibration, as that’s the whole point. You squeeze your muscles when it vibrates and release when it stops. Except, I can barely feel it vibrating at all. I’m laying there like: Is it vibrating? Did it finish? What’s going on down there? Hello? Is this thing on? And yes, I used a fresh battery.

So, maybe since I can’t feel the vibration very well, I’m not flexing when I’m supposed to or for long enough and that must make the LUNA Smart Bead think I have some weak-ass PC muscles. It’s possible that I’ve been lied to but I’ve been told by more than one fella that I have incredible control of my PC muscles. So according to penises my vag can tighten like vice grip but according to the Smart Bead, it’s all weak and flabby and needs to pump some iron. Maybe it just hurts my pride but I really did expect the Smart Bead to start me out on at least level 3. Another reviewer suspects that it’s not sensing anything at all and just starts out on level one regardless of how toned your PC muscles are and that might very well be true.

So OK, it starts me out on level one… big deal. I could still use it to exercise my muscles except that whole thing about not feeling it. This thing needs to have a MUCH stronger motor. Maybe I just have a numb vagina because I don’t feel regular kegel balls bouncing around either. But I really thought I’d be able to feel the Smart Bead better than this.

Also making me question LELO’s sanity, is the fact that they made the Smart Bead battery operated. Very odd for a company known for its high quality rechargeable vibrators. Apparently, they opted to make it battery operated to keep the price reasonable but I don’t think it is. I think the price is too high for what this thing does… or, what it doesn’t do.

As much as I’d like to skip it, I’ll briefly cover some of the details of the Smart Bead. It’s silicone. It runs on one AAA battery (one is included). It supposedly remembers your training history even when you change the battery. It’s supposed to be waterproof but other reviewers have found that gunk seeped in at the seam where it opens. I noticed a small trace amount of something when I opened it up. It comes in two colors: pink and pinker.

It has one button. Press to turn it on. The light will blink the number of times for the level you’re on. Three blinks means you’re on level 3. Press and hold to turn it off. You can also put it into continuous vibration mode for, as LELO hilariously says, pleasure. But if this thing fails at its intended purpose as a kegel exerciser, I highly doubt it’s going to be strong enough to bring anyone any pleasure.

I think I’ve liked everything I’ve tried from LELO up to this point. This is my first real disappointment and I’m certain I would have also been disappointed by the other flops they’ve released this year. I’m really hoping LELO is on an upward swing with the recently released Mona Wave (which I should have soon) and another vibrator that I can’t talk about yet (but stay tuned).

Bottom line? I gotta say skip this one. Maybe get the original LUNA Beads instead. I haven’t tried them yet but several reliable reviewers have great things to say about them and they cost a lot less. And if you’re not necessarily looking for a kegel exerciser but you want something from LELO that kicks ass then get yourself a MONA 2. It is the absolute best vibe LELO makes and I highly recommend it.

I should probably be ranting and raving about how much the Smart Bead sucks but I don’t even care that much. It’s not even worth getting snarky about it. It’s such a let down that I just want to forget it and move on – like it never happened. What else can I really say about the LUNA Smart Bead? It just doesn’t work for me and I can’t imagine it working well for anyone else either.

LELO provided the LUNA Smart Bead in exchange for an unbiased review.